"I'M JUST A BELIEVER THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER"

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I can truly say it's been the most interesting few weeks.

Getting over a boy is not an easy feat. Especially when you think of all the reasons why you would be a really cool couple. Also especially when they suddenly like to hang out with your friends. Even more especially when you saw them last night and they engaged you and you laughed together on more than one occasion and it makes you a little sad. But, you know what you gotta do? Stop what you're imagining, think about what you'd tell your friend if she was you, sigh, and keep going forward. Sometimes people just need to be friends and that's it. Thankfully, you don't owe anyone anything and you don't have to be friends today. Maybe someday. Probably someday.

The relief I felt when my best guy friend and I talked about what chili night meant to my mom and if she thought that we were dating is out of this world. I think that Jesus knew that that conversation needed to be had because there are way too many inquiring minds, mine included. I think that the idea of my bgf liking me was more stressful than exciting and I think that there's something not-quite-right about a feeling like that. Plus, I think that just because you love someone doesn't mean you should date them. Does that makes sense? And anyone that knows what my haircut looked like in 2003 is not on my "let's get married" list.

This whole freelancing situation is still bizarre to me. I'm sure that this will be the only two, yes two, projects I'll do for this company, but I think it's crazy in both "how is this real life" and "this is amazing" kind of ways. I do hope that I'll be appointed to do more things for them in the future, but until then I'm keeping a level-headed approach and not trying to get my hopes up. I'll definitely share those when the events are over - I can't wait!

Thing is, this is all that I have going on these days. I see my friends five out of the seven days of the week and the other two I spend at home designing, watching Netflix and attempting to spend time with Jesus. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, are you secretly 17? Your life is the biggest cake walk ever. Let's trade." Wrong. I'm closer to 25 than 24, unemployed, and a bit of a hot mess. BUT GUESS WHAT. I'm trading all my shame for hope that everything may not be too ideal but in time it will be okay. I feel like I'm "taking a semester off" from adulthood.

Many days I wish I was waking up in my 100+ year old house. I'd get up, blast Ron Pope while getting dressed, go downstairs, brush my teeth and make my way out of Downtown Charleston to the West Ashley bridge and pull into the parking lot of the toy store. Spend my day scream singing Billy Joel with my manager and selling Lego's to a mother of three. I'd leave work for a bit, go to Jason's, get a grilled cheese and come back and do the same until my shift ended. Go home, make some chicken and alfredo and watch Neflix for an hour or two. Go upstairs, watch more Neflix in my room or call my Mom until I was too tired to carry on. Rinse, wash repeat until my days off that I would spend in said room designing cards and basking in the amazing light that came through the four giant windows I had in my tree-lined wonderland. Or I'd drive over to East Bay and park on a side street, wandering until my quarters would run out; getting a coffee, trying not to trip on cobblestones. It makes my heart hurt thinking of the people I don't see everyday.

But you know something? All that is something that I can have back again someday. As I say this exact sentence, the sky parted and the biggest gush of light just rushed out from behind the clouds. God has a plan. He brought me there and he brought be back for a REASON. I have to remind myself of this more often than not. I cry for the people, the streets, the air that I left behind, but I know that if I had to go back right now I wouldn't be satisfied like I would be making something new for me here. I know that's the plan. Something is going to happen in Augusta. It won't be because of a boy or a best friend that is a boy or getting some amazing dream job that will make me weep from joy. No, it'll be because of the God that created me. The one that shows me His love every single day I cry out to him for help and for peace. He is there. He is watching everything unfold. The problem with Charleston was that I was too content and I didn't "need" God. He makes us uncomfortable so we will remember who's in control. Who's got it. Cause I do NOT got it. He will keep us joy-filled until we are no longer striving for more, reaching for the next rung in our life-ladder.

That's where I am right now: Reaching. Waiting. Praying. Hoping. Expecting. Believing.