TWENTY-FIFTEEN

Let's talk about my problem with "Resolutions".
Firstly, I never follow through with anything called a resolution. The pressure is too heavy.
Secondly, I feel like the actual definition of a resolution means more than the word does in modern society. When you hear that word, you think of failure and faulty achievements that were given up days after you made them. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
The definition of "Resolution" is "a firm decision to do or not to do something." If you think about it, you can make every day a day to resolute something, not just January 1st.
Therefore, I made some resolutions/goals/hopes/dreams for myself this year and I am working to achieve them on the daily.
They are as follows:

Get it together. I'm not sure what exactly that entails, but in my mind it means being at peace with my life and the direction it's heading. Ever since I moved back to Augusta it's been a learning process - letting go of all my old baggage and feeling free to be the person I am in this town. Not only have I been hit with this learning process, but I'm actually at a fork in the road. I can either pursue something in designing, or I can get a regular 9-5 that I may or may not fall in love with at some point. It's hard being a grown-up, but I feel like it's okay to be okay with not being 100% okay. Okay? Case in point - I want to be happy with the crazy as much as one possibly can.

Expand my creative horizons. If you know me, it's no question how much I loathe photoshop. It made me cry every time I had to use it in college and even some times after. Although I was completely dramatic at the ripe age of 22, I do still harbor ill-feelings towards the program. Since I've been home and have had endless time to do designing, I've actually opened my heart back up to PS… and I've been more than pleasantly surprised. On top of this, I've started painting again, and even invested in some embossing equipment. I hope that I can continue all this expansion by doing some watercolor painting, throwing pots, and even dipping my toe in the calligraphy waters.

Rid my life of all things deemed unnecessary. This resolution goes two ways - I want to cut the clutter and trim the fat. When I moved back I left majority of my belongings in the garage packed away. I did this because I both didn't want to unpack and because I wanted to see what mattered most. Finally, one Monday I was feeling frustrated about life and went through everything in those boxes and went from four huge boxes, to two half-filled ones. I've realized since I have most of my little trinkets up and away my room has been so much easier to manage and I've started to believe the saying "organized space, organized mind". On top of ridding myself of so much stuff, I've also been "trimming myself of the fat", which is a term I use to refer to people that weigh you down. You realize who your friends are very quickly when circumstances arise. People come, they go, the mingle for a while and then drift away. It's all really the circle of life. But sometimes, people come and they stay well past their welcome. They become a hindrance to your growth and your overall well-being. Do yourself the biggest favor you can, and let them go, no matter how hard it is. I promise God will fill that space with either another person that will make your heart soar ten-fold, or the hope that you'll be okay and it's for the best.

Stop thinking I can do it all. I surely can't. I've been running from the obvious for years, and it's that without God you can't do anything. And everything that you do won't be sufficient enough for you in the long-run. You'll find other things to fill voids that you wish so desperately were filled and it'll only lead to continued unhappiness and frustration. It's hard for me to let go and let God. I've always had an independent spirit and it's by God's grace that I've been able to be that person - headstrong and (usually) knowing what I want or what I should do in any situation. But sometimes, and by some I mean most, God sends you a circumstance that makes you realize that you're helpless without him. You have to stop being so independent and become fully dependent on His guidance. It's hard. You'll cry a lot. But at the end, it'll all be worth it. Also - even if my parents drive me crazy because they constantly want to know where I am or what I'm doing or what time I'll be home, I have to step back and realize it's because they love me. They show me this love by letting me live in their crazy house and by letting me figure out my life for a little longer. I can't thank God enough for them and their rough and rowdy ways.

It's January 18 and so far all is going well. Finding a job is stressful. Living with said parents is stressful. Not having any money is stressful. But it could all be worse. I'm capable and able. So now all I have to do is post this and finish my resume because that's what adults with resolutions do.