Has it been a roller coaster the past two months or what?!
A lot has happened, both mentally and physically that has changed my perspective on everything.
Firstly, I'm no longer residing in the beautiful sea-side dream town Charleston. I'm back in my hometown.
(Honestly the story about this situation is so long that I cannot even begin to blog about it, but here's the skinny - )
It was a disappointing time when my roommates and I decided to part ways, not only because one of my roommates and I wouldn't be seeing each other as often as we did, but also because I knew that my financial means weren't sufficient enough for a life in Charleston if it meant living on my own with no one to split everything with. It just so happened that that same week my Mom began her case-stating of all the reasons I needed to come home... and for once I didn't shrug her off. I felt helpless and hopeless when I finally gave in and agreed to come back to Aug. Two weeks and many tears, an overwhelming going-away celebration, and an equally overwhelming hang-over later I had my life packed in the back of my P.T. Cruiser and my Dad's truck.
I was off to Augusta, and frankly I wasn't very happy about it.
I think that bitter was maybe a better description, but even then it wasn't an angry kind of bitterness. Disappointed, frustrated, displaced, disatisfied. Those seem like better descriptive words to go with the bitterness I was feeling. I was, and at times still am, disappointed at myself more than anything. You grow up having all these dreams and hopes for yourself. You build this other life for yourself in your mind and when you finally get to live out this life and it's actually starting to straighten itself out and build the base and it gets taken out from under you, one can't help but feel a bit sad and agitated. I felt like I let seventeen year old Taylor down. The seventeen year old that first walked those streets and breathed that air; that dreamed of living and loving there.
But you know what I've realized in the three weeks I've been here? I didn't let myself down at all. While my time was short-lived in Charleston, it was very much lived.
My time in Chas made me into the twenty-four year old Taylor that I am today, here in front of you now. I've realized that if I should feel anything it shouldn't be bitterness. Proud, fearless, inspired, faith-filled. Those are things I should feel. I'm thankful for all the ups and down Carolina brought with it. All the experiences. The triumphs and the tumbles down life's hills. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wouldn't trade the fierce woman I've started to become for anything.
With that being said, here are some insights/changes/routines I've made since I moved back:
・Just because someone tells you all the things they've waited to tell you before you move away doesn't actually mean it's relevant a year and some months later. Sometimes people say things in moments of desperation or loneliness. And just because you're right for someone doesn't make them right for you.
・Keeping a journal is truly therapeutic. I've realized that not everything you feel in the deepest parts of your soul need to be spilt onto the internet. Sometimes it's better to put ink to paper and be really honest with yourself without having to sensor anything.
・Pour your heart out and let it be poured back into you, but this time it'll be a fuller and shinier version than it was before.
・Just because a place holds memories that make you ill doesn't mean you should write it off completely. Go back. Revisit it. Let the old retreat and welcome in the new.
・Girls are always going to be catty. It doesn't matter if you're seventeen or seventy. Ignore them or make them your friends. Either way, it won't make them any less jealous of your friendship with the boy they like, and it won't make you a bitch if you don't include them in your life.
・Make peace with people you left behind in less than great condition. Relationships are hard, no matter the making of them. Be gentle with your words and kind in spirit. Be cliche and "do onto others as you would have them do onto you".
・Pay attention when your friends are telling you about their life. Try and remember all the important details. Stop being selfish.
・Read all those old notes you passed in high school. Cringe at what you said. Then fold them up and put them back. Be thankful you're not that naive anymore.
・Coffee is of the Lord… yes, yes it is.
・Stop doing things that make you annoyed that you do them. Stop. Stop. Stop.
・Refrain from using fear as an excuse to be lazy. If you want something you have to suck it up and work for it. You have every skill you need to make something happen for yourself. If you don't, go learn how to make it happen and then go make it happen.
・Quit feeling like you're not okay because you're not in love with someone. Not everyone has someone and not everyone is happy with the someones they have. Remember how wondrous and love-filled you are. Put that love into your other relationships. Be fruitful in other ways.
・Just because you and another human-being were a certain way when you last saw them doesn't mean you'll still be that way when you meet again. Everyone changes. People grow up. Priorities are different. So are you.
・Remember that you're just the way you're supposed to be right now. There is a purpose to everything you're doing at this exact moment. Repeat those words to yourself, let them flow through you. Breathe. Go live.
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