NEW SEASONS CALL FOR NEW CIRCUMSTANCE

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Moving on is hard. It's rough, it's unforgiving at times, and frankly just full of questions.

"Did I really think this through?"

"Am I making a huge mistake?"

"How much am I going to regret this in a month, week, day?"

"Is this the most foolish decision of my life?"

I've spent a better part of two years leading my life toward one goal: working for myself. It's been difficult, stressful, rewarding, wonderful, and overall enriching. But right now all I want is a break, money in my bank account, and something else I didn't think I'd really ever want. What is that "something else" you ask?

A creative job in the world.

If I could travel back in time and tell my twenty-one year old self this very statement, I think she'd throw an absolute fit. I never wanted to work for a company that was bigger than myself. I always dreamed of working on my own time, by my own rules, in my own space. Little did I know that that wasn't going to happen as quickly or efficiently as I thought.

I aspire to so much and I also feel the weight of not meeting that aspiration constantly. It's a burden to not be the success you see others be and it's an equally heavy burden to feel like you're falling backward and not forward.

Christmas was a huge success for me, but it honestly wasn't enough. Not so much in the monetary department, because that's not everything to me in terms of happiness, but as far as feeling a beam of excitement radiating out of me. It wasn't there. I didn't feel joy when I told people I was a "greeting card designer" because I felt like I wasn't doing everything I could do or be.

I want more. I'm not sure what exactly more is or how I will get it.

I thought I could find it in Charleston and although Charleston was a great and wonderful adventure, it wasn't everything I hoped it would be. Back here in Augusta, I want to find that "more" that I've been searching for for so long. I know without a doubt that I'm here for a reason. I feel it in my bones. It's that beam of excitement radiating out of me. Not only am I really getting all of my priorities in order, but I'm finally growing in my relationship with God in ways that I haven't in many many years. That alone makes my heart happy.

I yearn for designing at a desk surrounded by other happy creatives. Testing myself. Growing in knowledge.

I'm sure a lot of this post is repeated multiple ways from Sunday, but I am a rambling mess right now, as you can tell.

I hope this journey brings me all the happiness I hope for and I hope your own life brings you unending joy in the pursuit of everything that makes you happy; that you'll find your own beam of excitement and that it will also radiate out of you.