NEW SEASONS CALL FOR NEW CIRCUMSTANCE

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Moving on is hard. It's rough, it's unforgiving at times, and frankly just full of questions.

"Did I really think this through?"

"Am I making a huge mistake?"

"How much am I going to regret this in a month, week, day?"

"Is this the most foolish decision of my life?"

I've spent a better part of two years leading my life toward one goal: working for myself. It's been difficult, stressful, rewarding, wonderful, and overall enriching. But right now all I want is a break, money in my bank account, and something else I didn't think I'd really ever want. What is that "something else" you ask?

A creative job in the world.

If I could travel back in time and tell my twenty-one year old self this very statement, I think she'd throw an absolute fit. I never wanted to work for a company that was bigger than myself. I always dreamed of working on my own time, by my own rules, in my own space. Little did I know that that wasn't going to happen as quickly or efficiently as I thought.

I aspire to so much and I also feel the weight of not meeting that aspiration constantly. It's a burden to not be the success you see others be and it's an equally heavy burden to feel like you're falling backward and not forward.

Christmas was a huge success for me, but it honestly wasn't enough. Not so much in the monetary department, because that's not everything to me in terms of happiness, but as far as feeling a beam of excitement radiating out of me. It wasn't there. I didn't feel joy when I told people I was a "greeting card designer" because I felt like I wasn't doing everything I could do or be.

I want more. I'm not sure what exactly more is or how I will get it.

I thought I could find it in Charleston and although Charleston was a great and wonderful adventure, it wasn't everything I hoped it would be. Back here in Augusta, I want to find that "more" that I've been searching for for so long. I know without a doubt that I'm here for a reason. I feel it in my bones. It's that beam of excitement radiating out of me. Not only am I really getting all of my priorities in order, but I'm finally growing in my relationship with God in ways that I haven't in many many years. That alone makes my heart happy.

I yearn for designing at a desk surrounded by other happy creatives. Testing myself. Growing in knowledge.

I'm sure a lot of this post is repeated multiple ways from Sunday, but I am a rambling mess right now, as you can tell.

I hope this journey brings me all the happiness I hope for and I hope your own life brings you unending joy in the pursuit of everything that makes you happy; that you'll find your own beam of excitement and that it will also radiate out of you.

DROWN

Well Hello everybody! I'm in the highest of spirits today because it's been a -

 VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I'm the proud new owner of a crock pot, record player, and many other small morsels of goodness. It's been a good year. I also have a third date on Friday with a rather nice guy (details to come later) and I'm going home to Chucktown tomorrow, which means I can cook up some lasagna in my fancy new crock pot.

This past weekend my darling friend Josh came into town for the night. He has been wanting to go skydiving in a city an hour away and he thought it would be the perfect time to come visit me as well! He blew into town and blew right back out - but not before we had an awesome time. He came and met me at W.W. and of course all the ladies just HAD to know who he was - and since I get embarrassed so quickly when guys are involved, I blushed and said we were just friends with a big grin on my face (because let's be serious here for a second - Josh is gorgeous and is one of the nicest guys I've ever had the privilege of knowing so in my mind he's an absolute catch for any girl.) We went to my apartment to get ready, did a bit of pre-gaming, caught a cab, and were off for a fun night. Long story short we went to all our favorite places, including back to Midtown for another great cover band that played tons of Blink 182 and The Killers. Josh and I danced the whole time and I laughed like I haven't in ages.

 {Kayla and I laughing like little school girls}

 {The always lovely Josh and I at Midtown}

I woke up Sunday morning to start doing laundry and packing for my trip back home to Augusta and let everyone sleep in until eleven. Josh woke up and get dressed and I drove us over to Sweetwater Cafe for some brunch. We had the greatest time with our waitress and I couldn't help but smile when he bought my meal AND gave her a big tip. We walked through the market on the way there and walked through the surrounding shops on the way back, including the Black Mineral Market (an all-time fave) and got some fudge. Sadly he had to go home soon after, and so we said our goodbyes and I ran back inside to finish packing.
To say I ran out of town is an understatement. I all but galloped. I took the back way home and drove through country and small towns that I'd never heard of before. Just me, the radio, and the wind in my hair. I made it home just before my parents got home from Atlanta and it was a nice surprise for them to see me earlier than planned. I spent the past few days recuperating from my crazy retail filled month and a half by reading, watching movies, and playing video games with my brother.

{Family Photo in front of the tree}

 {After seeing the movie I HAD to reread the first and then read the second - TEAM PEETA!}

But as with all good things, it must come to an end tomorrow. Now if only I could have a vacation after my vacation to recover.
I hope you all had an amazing Christmas!