WHELMED

Serious question: Have you ever felt equally under- and overwhelmed with your own life that they literally cancel each other out?

You just feel… under/over whelmed?

Whelmed. I'm sure it's not a thing, but I'm making it one. When someone asks me how life is going, I'll just simply answer, "Whelming." I'll get some quizzical expressions, but it's how I'm feeling these days.

It's hard because I know that although life isn't exactly as up to par as it can be, I feel hopeless and scattered at times. I'm not sure if this is a true test of my spirit and Satan is just trying to get me down, but it seems like I'm constantly feeling like I'm not good enough. Not funny enough, skinny enough, nice enough, Godly enough. Just really whelmed in every area of life.

I think most of this is due to some spiritual warfare - God is working in my life in ways I haven't had in many years and I'm actually letting myself be changed and nurtured by the Spirit - but then I also think it's due to some "girl-flesh" just getting me down. I also don't think that that's a thing, but again, I'm making it one. You always hear pastors reference your "flesh" and how it's a contributing factor the sinful parts of you, but let's be real here, pastors don't know nothin' about that girl-flesh.

Those waking thoughts that like to come up at 2 a.m. when all you want is to sleep but you can't stop thinking about some boy that broke your heart over four years ago and all you want is to cry for a year and you're not even really sure why. Or when you're with your friends and although you love them with all your heart, you sometimes feel inadequate or insignificant beside them because they have nicer clothes or a bigger house, or any other thing that you can feel envious of. Girl-flesh is the things that make girls sweat it out while the boys are at home sleeping and don't even a care in the world. It's the comparisons and passive-aggressive anxieties and the will-he-won't-he scenarios you play in your mind that lead you to self-doubt.

Being a girl is some hard work. Men just don't even know.

When it comes to feeling whelmed, I think it's just something we go through from time to time. All we really can do is keep truckin'. I'm thankful that God has blessed me with friends that I can call at all hours of the night and cry and they'll love me regardless. The kind of friends that help nurture your spirit and grow with you… and can drink a beer with the best of them and apply bronzer like a pro. Those are the people you look for in life. The beer and bronzer are just pluses, but the rest is vital.

Side-Note  ::   Above all else: love yourself. Don't let something you may or may not have let happen in your life get you in a dark place. Sometimes you wake up and see things differently. Chances are you'll still be as confused as you were at 1:38 a.m. but at least you're thinking about it. You're not avoiding your own life which is just as dangerous as feeding into the sadness.   ::

I feel like this post is truly depressing, but I just wanted to lay my heart out there. It's been an interesting 12 hours to say the least, 12 hours that consisted of only 4 hours of sleep and a whole lot of Ron Pope, but I'm going to brush myself off and carry on because, well, the show must go on.