LIFE AND OTHER THINGS

⏐original photo⏐

Life's been funny lately. "Funny" probably isn't a good or descriptive enough word to really get down to the real feelings of what's happening these days.

Instead of speaking of any saddening or darker things that may or may not have happened lately, instead I will share the happy light things.

Let's start with what I like to call, "My hellish adventure in flower cutting". I say "hellish" because, in hindsight it wasn't so bad, but at the time it was one of the lower valleys of my life since I'd come home. I'm talking crazy gossiping old ladies that refer to their husbands as "my man" and let strangers weigh in on their sex lives. All this and some serious cuts that left a scar on my thumb from trimming stems at 45 degree angles, mornings of water soaked shirts and hose wrestling, buckets filled to the brim with the thorniest of roses, and you got yourself a glimpse at a week in a flower shop. Needless to say I have realized that it is just not in my calling, and I'm more than okay with that. Just because you're creative doesn't mean you can create everything. That week set into motion the knowing of how much bigger God's plans for my life were and that I needed to remember that, even in the simple frustrations of arranging a dozen long stem roses.

I've been submerging myself in Matt Chandler's "Mingling of Souls" and boy oh boy, is it a game-changer. Y'all, dating is weird. It's messy and complicated and scary. It also doesn't get any better or easier with age. I think if anything it gets messier, more complicated, and scarier. Especially when you are getting to know someone. That's kind of where I'm at right now. I am starting to like someone. It's so much fun having a crush on someone - sitting with your friends decoding what they text you or how they act when you're in the same room together. Doing victory dances when they text you after a day of not hearing from them, especially when you were strong and didn't text them first. But then you will spend hours obsessing. Why are they talking to me so much if they're not asking me out? Are we just friends? Am I in this mystical "friend-zone" that the bitter, rejected men of the world talk about so much? Or does he have an interest in me and is too shy to ask me out? How can I fix this? PROBLEMS. It's hard for me sometimes because I try to be a take charge kind of person that helps bring resolution to any sort of problems. Guess what? It's not that simple. And it's even harder being a single christian lady. We want to be pursued and treasured. It's difficult to have patience and not listen to all that crap about "Don't be afraid! Ask him out!". No Cosmo, I like my guys asking me out themselves, please and thank you.

I had someone tell me the other day that I was a "Hipster Betty White". I think that may be one of the nicest compliments I've ever received from someone that hardly knows me. This person also informed my friends and me that we have a wonderful kind of friendship. I couldn't have agreed more.

・Psalm 51:16-17・

"You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, Oh God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise."

This has been a verse ringing through my ears this week. So many times I've been ashamed in my brokenness and have refused to even look to God for forgiveness. Whether it's guilt or being so in denial of my wrong doing and human-nature, I turn from it and refuse to acknowledge it. He tells us that even in our shame he loves us. Even in our dirtiest depths he still searches for us. And that my friends, that's enough for me. Oh how sweet it is to be loved by You, God. How sweet indeed.