SWEET & LOW

Today as I rolled out of bed I decided a few things about me, my life, and what I want/need to get accomplished.
Here are those things:

1. I need to focus a whole hell of a lot more on myself and a whole hell of a lot less on guys. I really think women in general need to do this. We walk around talking about all the things guys do wrong or the kind of guy we want walking into our lives, but have we really stopped to examine the kind of girl we are? I have done so much growing up in the past few months that I'm an altogether different version of myself than I was last year, but I am more than aware that I still have plenty of growing up to do. I want the next big step towards a relationship I take to be with someone that is the best possible version of himself beside the best possible version of myself. Why do we hold such high expectations against others when we don't even hold those same expectations to ourselves? 
2. Sooner or later everyone's true colors are shown, no matter how nice of a guy he may seem to be. Never stay over at a guy's house. Just don't. That's not me telling you what to do; that's me telling myself what to do. Never put yourself in that position again. You're way too nice of a girl Taylor to leave his house, even at 4 a.m. when he's prattling on about his views on hooking up and sex, because you constantly worry about hurting peoples' feelings even when they're unworthy of you caring. You are worthy of more than that - you deserve someone that respects you and won't test his boundaries. Someone that won't even think about inviting you to stay over, especially when you're not even a couple and you still don't know each other. Plus, having to listen to someone snore in your ear pisses you off beyond belief and you wake up crankier than usual.
3. That boy that begged you to stay, you're eternal "what-if", never leaves your mind for a single day until you do something about it. If that means blocking him from all your social media, deleting his number out of your phone, then DO it. Stop crying about him on your way home after long days that are emotionally taxing. He's not even worth it. Damn-it get it together!
4. I want to start making goals for me that have substance and result in growth. My first of many goals is to start learning more dishes to cook. Something I've always wanted to do is host dinner parties when I got my own place, and I'm deciding it's high-time to learn more than just fried chicken and pasta roni. I also want to start making our living space more cozy and home-like. I'm determined to make our place look like it walked out of Anthropologie's catalog. This is only the beginning, but I know I'm going to have a lot of exciting little adventures planned ahead for me and I can't wait.
5. Sometimes you just have to put your big-girl panties on and make it alone. My family and I are currently at wit's ends with one another - they want me to come back home and I want them to stop asking me to. I haven't talked to my Mom in weeks and that's really hard, especially with how close we are, and today when I called to wish my brother a happy birthday and she made up an excuse to not talk to me on the phone really hurt. But I'm beginning to realize that this is a test I have to pass and I'm trying to stay focused on all the positive and realize that, like I always say, every little thing is gonna be alright.

THE OTHER SIDE

(Taken aboard my friend's yacht - yes yacht. My life is pretty surreal sometimes.)

Let's just say I'm finally at the happiest and most fulfilling place I've ever been in my life.
I wake up every morning with a smile on my face and a song in my heart that I have never felt. My job is so amazing and so are my co-workers, my roommate and I get closer everyday, I'm making tons of friends, and I even have a sweet boy in my life that genuinely cares about me.
I just got a promotion at work - starting in January I'll be traveling to all the stores and training people in personalization and creating designs for the company as a whole. I'm so unbelievably excited that I have earned this opportunity from all my hard work, but also that the owner of all the stores was the one that delivered me this news. It's such an honor for her to tell me that although I think what I do is small and trivial, that is actually a big part of the growth of her business and I'm appreciated more than I'll ever know and that I'm an intricate part of her new business plan. This also ensures that I'll still be full-time after the holidays and that in itself makes me happier than I can even express.
Last week was Kayla's, my roommate, birthday and I was able to surprise her with our friend Arnold sneaking into town to see her, cake, a hilarious card, an adorable friendship bracelet from Urban Outfitters, and a birthday party none of us could forget. We had so many people at Closed For Business that we had to get three tables together just to sit comfortably. It was an absolute blast and I can only hope my birthday is that exciting!
My co-workers are quickly becoming some of my favorite people and dearest friends and I'm so thankful for it. They're what make my job even better than it already is and they've helped me on many levels, including emotionally and spiritually. I'm a blessed blessed girl for getting to have them in my life and I can't thank them enough.
As far as the boy - he's great. We met through mutual friends and all I thought of him at first was that he was a nice guy that dressed like the boys I liked in High School did; a scene kid/punk music lover. He drove all the way from Goose Creek, which is thirty minutes away, to hang out with me on Halloween night and after the bars started to close we walked back to Brittany's and stayed up all night talking and laughing on the couch until we finally fell asleep at 5 a.m. He escorted me back to my car and begged for me to let him take us to breakfast but I had to work and roll Kayla back home. We finally hung back out a few days later and watched "V for Vendetta", ate pizza, and watched the FSU game. Our last hang we watched "Captain America" and talked about our families and beliefs and cuddled up and had a great time. Tonight we are going on our first official "date". He's taking me out to dinner at Carrabba's and we are going to see a movie and I seriously cannot wait! He's a lot different than most guys I've been into lately in my life - he's a skinny rail and he loves punk music and going to shows. He's an artist and loves talking about classical art like I do. He is only twenty-two, but his birthday is later this month. He tells me I'm pretty and he reaches for my hand and kisses me on the head in a way that doesn't make me feel like a child. He tells me I'm smart and sweet and he is appreciative for the little things I do for him, like driving all the way to Summerville yesterday to pick him up and take him to buy a new tire when his blew out (and he even put gas in my tank for me, as well as pumped it after the fact). I'm being excruciatingly cautious and taking it slow because after my own hell I've been through and the hell that Kayla has been through with getting herself invested too quickly with guys here is more than enough to make me scared to care too much. He likes me, he told me, but I still wonder how much a guy likes me and how much he likes the idea of sleeping with me. It's a struggle, but I'm working through it.
All in all - Taylor is doing so damn well she can't believe it most days. Cheers to that!!

HURRICANES & DRIZZLES

Well, this post is going to be incredibly long so bear with me.
Let me get you up to speed with my life as of late.
Right after I wrote my last blog post, I sailed off to Augusta to visit my family. I spent all of that night crying and woke up Monday thinking I would feel a bit better. I was completely burnt out from working both of my jobs for four days in a row, that last day being a fifteen hour day, and I was in a fight with my roommate about a boy; so of course nothing seemed right with the world. As I rolled over that morning I immediately began to cry again and knew I needed to escape. I threw some shirts and hoodie into an overnight bag, grabbed my leg pump and Bernard my teddy bear, left the roommate a note, and blew out of town like a stiff wind. I didn't tell anyone I was coming, I just drove and drove and cried and listened to old mixed c.d.s. As soon as I got into Augusta all I could think about was getting to my house and seeing my Momma. I walked in to surprise her and we both immediately started crying. I stayed for a couple of days, a visit I needed more than anything. Outside of my family I only saw one of my closest friends and I'm thankful for that time we had together. Going back home completely renewed me and reminded me what I moved away for in the first place: to find myself away from everyone I knew and to prove that I could survive on my own will and strength. I left Augusta sad that I wasn't going to see my family for a long while, but thankful to be getting away from the town that has never quite felt like home.
As I pulled onto my street I was met with a sense of happiness and joy that hasn't really left me since that day. I wake up happy and encouraged to be here. True, my parents have helped me along the way, but paying for all of my bills last month gave me a feeling of satisfaction that I want to feel every month. I'd rather be eating sunflower seeds than ever ask my parents for money again. I actually find myself texting my manager to ask her if she needs people and that I would love to come in because I genuinely love my job and the people I have let into my life that work there.
As far as all the partying and bar hopping, I'm pretty much over it. I'd rather have an early or late dinner and drinks at a restaurant, or meet up with a few friends late at night for drinks at a quiet bar. I do still have the urge to go dancing or to go to the crowded hangs on Thursdays, but my body reminds me on Friday mornings when I have a nine hour work day ahead of me that I'm an idiot. Plus, I'm not this person that drinks this much, and I need to remember that it's good to have a great time, but sometimes too much is too much and it needs to be dropped down a whole heck of a lot.
The guys of this city are more so boys than men. I've gone out with a couple and let's just say neither were grade A by a long shot. Firstly, I don't have time for games and bullshit. If I like someone, I like them and I wish that guys had that same mindset. Even though both guys were twenty-six and twenty-seven they still acted like they were twenty-one. I'm good for more than a quick bite to eat and a night of him trying to make moves on me while I'm equally trying to watch the movie we spent twenty minutes picking out on Netflix. (Disclaimer: Making Out is beyond fun, yes, but at least let me watch the movie and then get me to kiss you, jeeze.) It's obvious that I haven't met the right one yet and I'm not surprised. I honestly would love to have a boyfriend, but I'm not the kind of girl to go out in search for one. He just needs to happen upon me while I'm sitting in Starbucks drinking a salted-caramel hot chocolate and reading "The Fault In Our Stars" and we will instantly bond over our love for horror movies and used book stores. It's gonna be great y'all!
Long of the short is that I'm beyond happy here. Sure there are rough days that I want to tell myself I'm an idiot for moving here, but all in all, it's been an amazing experience that I wouldn't trade for anything. There is always something happening here and the hustle and bustle is more than inspiring. I meet new and interesting people on a daily, yes daily, basis. One of the guys I went out with was from Australia for crying out loud! I actually enjoy walking around the city, no matter how many blocks, and I love knowing street names and the quick route to places in this short amount of time I've been here. It's also nice knowing who actually misses you; who takes the time to reach out to you and call or text you... I've realized who my friends are and for that alone I'm thankful. I'm finally finding myself, as cliché as that sounds. Now I'm just trying to find my own voice and group of friends; I'm tired of being a group package / not having my own people outside from my other group. It's a process, but I'm forcing myself to open up to people and form relationships and that's making me a stronger person.
Chucktown is my heart and soul - y'all just don't even know.

LIFE LATELY

WOW.
I haven't posted in forever and my only excuse is that I've been busy livin' life.
To give the condensed version of this story:
- I graduated and then found out I was missing a class, so even though I walked, I'm going back to school in eight hours to take a psychology class I registered for last fall but was told by my advisor that I didn't need. My life.
 - I have gone out with two guys the past month. One was a total creep that used the phrase "when we get married someday..." at least seventeen times. No thank you. The second one took me out on hands-down the most stimulating and sweetest date in my life that left me swooning... but now we are hitting that rut of "let's just be friends". It's hard because he lives three hours away in Charlotte and I like him a whole heck of a lot, but it's hard when he's been cheated on by his other long distance ex-girlfriend making it hard for him to trust women, and I just need someone that can be there to watch movies with me whenever I want him to. We're still friends, but I'd be lying if I said it was easy because it's actually really really hard... Especially when all you can think about is your desire to make out with him all the time.
- I've been offered the opportunity to move to Charleston this coming August. This is seriously my dream. Ever since I visited that city at the age of 17 I knew that that was the place for me. It's breath-taking and simple and cozy and has the most wonderful atmosphere about it. I can't even act like it's not scaring me shitless to even imagine leaving my life here to move to a whole other state, but I'm heavily leaning towards a big fat "yes". But I know that if I do this, I have to actually finish growing up and being more responsible this summer... which isn't in my interest right now.
- I got drunk for the first time in my life this past Saturday. Yes, I'm twenty-two, but I've lived a very sheltered and at times suffocating life in part by my parents. I didn't even go out for my twenty-first. So I decided the night that I threw caution to the wind and kissed the boy I was talking about up there on my first date with him, which is a big no-no for me, that I'm tired of being safe and cautious about everything in my life and I've vowed to live this summer and get a little rowdy. So lying in Jordan's bed on Saturday watching Summer Catch and White Chicks, I got drunk off wine and it was magical. I had such a great time giggling and being young and free and not caring for once in my life how stupid I was because I'm still at that age where it's okay to screw up or make mistakes - as long as I'm living that's all that really matters.
- I'm actually having a big party for my birthday this year. I haven't had a celebration since I turned twenty, but I'm ready for one this time. My twenty-first was spent at my best friend's watching a movie and eating jiffy pop. My twenty-second was spent crying in Macaroni Grill after a crappy day at school. This year... this year it's going to be different. I've already got my list made out and I'm sending out invites. It's going to be one enchanting night.
- I've finally decided that people that can't return a simple text message aren't worth it. I'm tired of always being that girl that lets people walk all over her and then call me their friend... no it doesn't work like that. Not anymore. So to those people that can't call me back or even text me back - I'm over it and honestly, my life has been better without you these past few weeks. It's sad, but it's time to move on.
- After cleaning my life out of those people that don't care enough, I started to really pay attention to the people that have been there. The ones I have been selfish and just said "well they're there all the time anyway, they're not going anywhere, we can just hang out whenever". For that, I'm terribly sorry that I took them for granted. You never realize how much you've missed something until you revaluate your priorities. So I've been spending a lot of time with Jordan and extra time with Chelsea and also calling and texting Carmen much more than usual because I honestly love them and I'm so blessed to have them in my life for as long as I have. And Aleesha and I have been working together a lot so we've been spending more time together which is a great gem and I've even decided to hang out with Colby more since I've remembered how great of friends we were many years ago, including my oldest friend Alyssa. It's been a serious few weeks of realizations.
- Going back to said boy from above, his name is Spencer. He's seriously changed my life. Is that crazy? Yes. But it's true. He has made me reconsider every decision I have ever made. He makes me want to stop talking about doing things and actually suck it up and do them! He gives me courage for adventure, guts to stand up to the assholes, confidence and security within myself, and he's always there  for those deep down laughs that you can feel ripple through your whole body until your sides feel like they're going to split. I hope that someday we can work it out, but for now, I'm content with being his friend no matter what people may say about me being too nice of a girl and too vulnerable.
- I drove to Atlanta the morning after my graduation and spent the weekend with my family. It was marvelous! And ever since I got back I've been dying to get back out of town. Augusta is closing on me slowly and steadily. I'm ready for a change. Carmen told me today that a month ago she would have told me I was insane for wanting to move to Charleston but she can sense the change in my heart and that I need this and I couldn't agree more.
- I dyed my hair for the first time in years and I'm excited about how great it turned out! I can't wait to ombre it!
- Cheers to the greatest Summer of my life!

Until then
- Tay