SWEET & LOW

Today as I rolled out of bed I decided a few things about me, my life, and what I want/need to get accomplished.
Here are those things:

1. I need to focus a whole hell of a lot more on myself and a whole hell of a lot less on guys. I really think women in general need to do this. We walk around talking about all the things guys do wrong or the kind of guy we want walking into our lives, but have we really stopped to examine the kind of girl we are? I have done so much growing up in the past few months that I'm an altogether different version of myself than I was last year, but I am more than aware that I still have plenty of growing up to do. I want the next big step towards a relationship I take to be with someone that is the best possible version of himself beside the best possible version of myself. Why do we hold such high expectations against others when we don't even hold those same expectations to ourselves? 
2. Sooner or later everyone's true colors are shown, no matter how nice of a guy he may seem to be. Never stay over at a guy's house. Just don't. That's not me telling you what to do; that's me telling myself what to do. Never put yourself in that position again. You're way too nice of a girl Taylor to leave his house, even at 4 a.m. when he's prattling on about his views on hooking up and sex, because you constantly worry about hurting peoples' feelings even when they're unworthy of you caring. You are worthy of more than that - you deserve someone that respects you and won't test his boundaries. Someone that won't even think about inviting you to stay over, especially when you're not even a couple and you still don't know each other. Plus, having to listen to someone snore in your ear pisses you off beyond belief and you wake up crankier than usual.
3. That boy that begged you to stay, you're eternal "what-if", never leaves your mind for a single day until you do something about it. If that means blocking him from all your social media, deleting his number out of your phone, then DO it. Stop crying about him on your way home after long days that are emotionally taxing. He's not even worth it. Damn-it get it together!
4. I want to start making goals for me that have substance and result in growth. My first of many goals is to start learning more dishes to cook. Something I've always wanted to do is host dinner parties when I got my own place, and I'm deciding it's high-time to learn more than just fried chicken and pasta roni. I also want to start making our living space more cozy and home-like. I'm determined to make our place look like it walked out of Anthropologie's catalog. This is only the beginning, but I know I'm going to have a lot of exciting little adventures planned ahead for me and I can't wait.
5. Sometimes you just have to put your big-girl panties on and make it alone. My family and I are currently at wit's ends with one another - they want me to come back home and I want them to stop asking me to. I haven't talked to my Mom in weeks and that's really hard, especially with how close we are, and today when I called to wish my brother a happy birthday and she made up an excuse to not talk to me on the phone really hurt. But I'm beginning to realize that this is a test I have to pass and I'm trying to stay focused on all the positive and realize that, like I always say, every little thing is gonna be alright.

MAKE ROOM

I have officially broken my heart into a hundred little pieces.
One piece rests on my empty room's window pane at my parents' house. Another lays in his front seat where he kissed me and told me he wanted me to stay. Another is stuffed in between the couch cushions belonging to that boy whose arms I shouldn't have been in. One is hanging from my rear-view, where I've watched so many things slowly get smaller, and one is nestled tightly in the box of my favorite pictures.
I miss everyone and everything about Augusta so much right now it's tearing a hole in my very soul. Charleston is an amazing city with so much to offer me and so many opportunities to grab and run with. I love my toy store job, surprise surprise, and I'm actually wanted and excelling there. The bar/party scene is what it is... the bar/party scene. It was better than Augusta's for a long time, but now I miss the familiarity of running into old friends at Country Club or Soul. I miss the way the streets smelled after it rained, and the wind in my hair while I cruised the familiar streets. I miss my friends and doing the same things with them every weekend. I miss having the option to go home and not do a damn thing and not having to feel like I owe anyone my company when I'm exhausted from working a thirteen hour day. I miss not crying all. the. time.
I'm ready to visit my family. It's beyond high-time.

SWEET SUMMERTIME

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It's been quite a while... and by "quite a while" I mean a REALLY LONG TIME. So so much has happened in the past month and a half that it's astonishing.

First things first, I'm MOVING MOTHA EFFAAS. Alright let's dial it back a little bit. I'm moving in August to the amazing city of Charleston, South Carolina with two fabulous people and the fact that this is all happening is a dream and a half come true. I have one job set up, but I'm looking for another as well because Lord knows you can't pay the bills with a part-time job. It's going to be a struggle, but I'm looking forward to it, as crazy as that sounds. Plus, my roommates are super out-going and adventurous and I'm ready to embrace that part of my personality with full clenching fists. I'm ready to shake up my life and I can't wait to get there.

I turned twenty-three on the nineteenth of June. It's still hard to get used to saying I'm that age. I certainly don't feel it... other than the fact that it is always harder getting up in the morning, but that's probably in part to my 3 a.m. bedtime I've been pulling lately. We started off with dinner and drinks (too many shots and frozen daiquiris and long island sweet teas) and ended with bowling. It was such a great night and I had fifteen of my friends show up, some with their boyfriends/husbands in tow. I laughed hard, had a toast in my honor, and held hands with one of my close guy friends in the same minutes I realized one of my other guy friends has a crush on me. It was a night and a half to say the least. It's going to be so hard leaving all of those amazing people, but I know that if I need them or they need me we'll always be there for each other. Plus it's always good to be reminded that you're loved and people know you, scars and all, and still hang around.

Speaking of people hanging around, I'm no longer friends with Spencer. Too many dramatics and shenanigans. Plus, he got a girlfriend and I didn't feel comfortable talking to him as much as we did and he didn't understand that... so, BYE. I miss talking to him, but it was for the best so it had to be done and sometimes that's what you have to remind yourself of when the going gets tough.

I ditched school for a day and went to the beach with my family and had such a BALL. I was so close to skipping vacation this year just because I had been in this "anti-family" funk and was being a bratty bitch to everyone that was related to me, but at the last minute I decided to go along. My tan is still here and I'm still sad I didn't get any fudge, but as usual I'm reminded how blessed I am to have such warm and loving parents that provide above and beyond for me - including tons of things I brought back from the beach that most people wouldn't dream of getting.

All in all, this has been an absolute gem of a Summer. I've let a lot of people go and rewelcomed a lot of others back in and I'm so thankful for that. I can't wait to see what else awaits me.

Until then.

-Tay